


Just ... Breathe

by Unbreakable92



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Amazing Edwin Jarvis, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Aunt Peggy Carter, Avengers Family, Avengers Feels, Awesome Edwin Jarvis, Awesome Peggy, Awesome Peggy Carter, Awesome Steve Rogers, Awesome Tony, Awesome Tony Stark, Bromance, Canonical Character Death, Comfort/Angst, Description of a Head Injury, Domestic Avengers, Edwin Jarvis - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Epic Bromance, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Hugs, Hurt Tony, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Tony, Insecure Tony Stark, Insecurity, Panic Attacks, Protective Avengers, Protective Steve, Protective Steve Rogers, Reckless Tony, Reckless Tony Stark, Steve Angst, Steve Feels, Steve Is a Good Bro, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark Friendship, Steve Rogers Angst, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Steve loves Tony like his own kid, Steve taking care of Tony, Taking care of Tony, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team Feels, Team Fluff, Team as Family, That previous one needs to be a tag lol, They really need them, Tony Angst, Tony Being Tony, Tony Feels, Tony Has Issues, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric, reckless behaviour, so many hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-17 00:32:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14176686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unbreakable92/pseuds/Unbreakable92
Summary: During a disagreement, Tony accidentally hurts himself before Steve's eyes. Steve is confronted with what he'd feel if he lost Tony as well.





	Just ... Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
> 
> So, so long, guys. I'm so sorry it has been forever since I posted anything. A lot has been happening in life. I have officially moved to the UK for my PhD! So, a huge change and missing family truthfully. Also, my health really hasn't been cooperating with me lately, which has made the transition extra hard.
> 
> But, to be able to get back to do some stress-free writing has been just wonderful! I want to thank everyone who has kept on reading and reviewing! So sorry for my late replies as well. Know I read, love and appreciate every encouraging comment I get. Some came at a time I was really unwell so it was a lovely pick-me-up!
> 
> In the meantime, here is the Protective Steve story I have been promising Sylbara for ages! So sorry it has taken so long to post up! I'm really not sure where this fits into the whole Big Brothers and Little Brothers 'verse but I just thought, what the hell, let's post, hey? Also, huuuuuuuuge story to try to make up for the absence of updates lol.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: This story does contain anxiety attacks, low-self esteem, mentions of childhood neglect and mentions of a canonical character death. A character also gets injured (not badly) and there is a brief description of the injury. Not graphic but could gross some people out. If this is triggering for you, please do not read. If you do, please proceed with care.
> 
> Also, I don't own anything Marvel-related or songs mentioned. Also, get this, even though I mentioned 'Immigrant's Song' in this, I wrote it long before Thor: Ragnarok came out. How eerie is that, right? Lol, ah, I'm tired.
> 
> Without further ado, please enjoy!

‘Tony!’ Steve snapped, trying his hardest not to sound like a scolding parent. By the scalding look he received from said engineer, he knew he hadn’t succeeded.

Trying to soften his tone, he took a deep breath and requested in as reasonable tone as possible, ‘Get down. _Please_.’

Tony crossed his arms, which had Steve’s heart fluttering, as it made Tony wobble precariously from his current perch atop one of the poles lining the side of the jetty he was out on. Steve was now never one much for water so had his feet solidly planted on the currently abandoned walkway and felt a little sicker the further Tony got over the ocean.

That’s the way it had been since they arrived out here, a little place called Cape May. It had actually been Tony’s suggestion to get out of the city for a bit and Steve had been shocked but so pleased when the engineer had asked him to join the small expedition. For whatever reason, Tony had been edgy all day and more snippy than usual. Steve thought he may have been feeling claustrophobic so thought some open air would do him the world of good.

Though it hadn’t seemed possible, the mood had gone even further downhill from there. Tony had picked Cape May at random and for people who didn’t have all forms of issues, it was a pretty cosy little place. The only problem was water was just _everywhere_. Steve didn’t mind water too much if it was a swimming pool, lake or even river. The ocean though? Really not a fan.

From Tony’s reaction as well, he was just as pleased by the water as Steve. But Tony being Tony, had strutted out of the car like it was nothing and he didn’t have the slightest of shakes. Steve wasn’t even that bad. Sure, he wasn’t pleased, but it was more like an unpleasant itch then feeling really unsettled. Tony appeared more on the edge of a panic attack, which was causing Steve’s rather … protective (no, _Clint_ , _not_ fatherly) instincts to ramp up. But just a notch.

Tony probably would have left within an hour, satisfied he had proved a point he could do it. But, Steve, in all his damn uncontrollable _protective_ senses, had to instinctively grab Tony’s arm when they had been going along a walkway when it appeared like he had swayed a bit too close to the water’s edge for Steve’s comfort.

That had been it then. Tony liked to needle Steve sometimes but he felt like he was being jackhammered at the moment with Tony purposefully leaning over the water, taunting him with everything the engineer had. And it was a hell of a lot.

Then, the jetty. The god damn jetty Tony had found and decided to go out on. Despite every instinct screaming for him to follow Tony, Steve hadn’t. He stayed on the walkway, hoping the distance would make Tony feel independent enough and he didn’t have to drive some ludicrous point home anymore that he didn’t need anybody.

So, far, it wasn’t working. Instead, Tony was intent on getting a rise out of Steve and had now gravitated to the damn wooden poles along the side of the jetty. He looked incredibly smug he had gotten Steve to call out though angry at the same time.

Really, sometimes Steve didn’t get the stubborn man at all. And yet Steve couldn’t be truly mad because seeing Tony so openly hurting and brutally pushing off his care was showing some deep, deep issues here that was making Steve angrier at someone _else_.

‘What’s the matter, Capsicle?’ Tony spat right back. ‘Think I need my hand held while I breathe too?’

Steve took a deep breath of his own. ‘Tony, for the _last time_ , it was _instinct_.’

Tony threw his arms out and Steve had to work on keeping on breathing as he wobbled again. ‘Instinct?’ he retorted. ‘Why the instinct with me? What is it? Think I’m too fragile to be able to be to operate machinery without being supervised next?’

And that was the crux of it. With any caring Steve did with Tony, he took it as a slight against his capability … his _worth_.

For not the first time, Steve felt his heart go out to Tony. And it was scary, because sometimes it felt like another person was running around with his heart inside of him and Steve couldn’t _do_ anything about, couldn’t hold him, couldn’t protect him, because Steve wasn’t allowed to.

He wasn’t an idiot. He didn’t ever want to hinder Tony and more than knew the engineer’s capabilities; all he ever wanted to do was be there for Tony. Steve wished he was allowed to at least give him the comfort he deserved and needed.

But he wasn’t _allowed_ to and that hurt Steve in more ways than he knew how to express.

‘Tony,’ he said, trying to keep his words calm and the worry off his face. Not to mention his anger because his damn stubborn teammate would misconstrue it and think he was angry with him. Not that he wasn’t in a way, but Tony took it so personally … waiting for that penny to drop, for him to be left … which was why he was pushing and pushing today. ‘Get down and get back here. _Now_.’

Tony cocked his head to the side, as though contemplating his words before he sneered. ‘Not,’ he said.

It was like in slow motion from there. To defy him more, Tony stepped back to the pole behind him. Or tried to. Whether it was slippery from sea water or he had simply misjudged the distance, Tony’s foot scuffed along the side, whole weight thrown off. His body twisted sideways but it wasn’t enough and he fell backward. The last expression Steve saw on his face was chestnut brown eyes wide in fear, mouth open, but not one sound came out.

Even when the back of his head connected with the pole and he fell over the side, into the ocean, he didn’t make a sound. The crash of the water didn’t sound in Steve’s roaring ears. Everything was soundless.

Steve didn’t know if he screamed or not. All he knew was he materialised at the end of the jetty, jacket shucked in the journey. The cold of the water didn’t even register. It was something which would normally make him pause and have to work on not going into flashbacks of never-ending cold and fear.

It felt like he could see nothing and everything at the same time. The colour of the water. The time of day as he emerged from the ocean for air, throwing his head back before going down again. Deeper and deeper. The paleness of his skin in the watery underworld. Nothing. He didn’t have a clue what it looked like.

What he did see was the red trickling through the blue, which he followed like a thread. The deathly pallour of the normally olive-skin of Tony, which made the panic more unbearable than lack of oxygen. The limpness of the body as he latched onto his kid, wrapping him in his arms.

He felt he was strong and weak at the same time. He had the strength to kick off, breaking back through the water with a gasp. He easily pulled himself and Tony back onto the jetty, cradling the body so Tony wouldn’t feel any hit whatsoever.

What he didn’t feel strong enough for was to even breathe though. He must have, but how could he when he didn’t have the strength? Words tumbled out of him, cracked and broken, like he felt all over. He was on the verge of just crumbling.

‘Kiddo, kiddo, breathe for me. C’mon, breathe for Steve, kiddo, breathe.’

Fingers finding a pulse but no breath, his fingers interlinked together, compressing down on Tony’s stomach. Again, and again, like some sort of possessed man all the while crying softly, words getting more and more broken.

‘Breathe, kiddo. You’ve got to breathe for me. That’s a good boy, c’mon. darlin’, breathe. Just … breathe.’

Over and over again. No one would have been able to pull him away, not even Thor. While all his heart craved was to take the body into his arms and cry and scream and sob, he couldn’t … stop.

He was screaming. He knew that now. His throat grated on each word of ‘Breathe! Breathe! Tony, please, _please_ , breathe!’

His body was breaking apart. He swore it was. Any second, he was going to crumble into nothing. Maybe then, he wouldn’t be able to feel how much it hurt, burning from the inside and out. How much it hurt to break apart.

Then, like the breaking clarity of emerging out of water into the crystalline day, Tony’s wheezing gasp cut through everything. Water gurgled out of his mouth as his whole body jerked, bringing up more again.

He didn’t even think as he grasped Tony around the waist, turning him over so he could throw up as much water as easily as possible, rubbing his hand up and down Tony’s back. Despite the brutal shudders, the movement beneath his fingers felt like the most beautiful thing ever.

When Tony grew still, wheezing painfully but no longer throwing up, that’s when Steve pulled the smaller man to him. Between his knees, braced against his chest, one arm firmly wrapped around his stomach, while the other hand rested on Tony’s forehead, letting him lean back onto Steve’s shoulder, gasping softly.

Steve didn’t know how long he rocked from side to side, crying silently, tears marring his vision, as he pressed his nose in Tony’s damp hair. He couldn’t tell if his words of, ‘Oh, kiddo, oh, kiddo,’ were said out loud or not.

Stroking Tony’s hair back, he pressed a gentle kiss into his kid’s hair, only vaguely noting that Tony’s shuddering eased then.

Bleary chestnut brown eyes finally blinked open, trying to focus on him. It was the softly slurred word of, ‘S-Steve?’ that made him come to his senses.

‘It’s okay, darlin’,’ he murmured. ‘You’re okay, all right? You’re okay, just had a fall.’

It suddenly made him remember the whack Tony got to his head and he felt like hitting himself just as hard. He should have checked that immediately.

‘Bear with me, kiddo,’ he whispered, gently tipping Tony to the side, keeping a firm grip on his waist, all the while making sure Tony’s head was cradled against his chest and didn’t loll forward. ‘I’m just going to check your head and make sure you don’t need stiches, hmm?’

Tony didn’t respond, just simply blinked wide brown eyes at him, allowing Steve to manoeuvre him however he saw fit. It was when Steve began to part his hair that he began to struggle weakly but Steve held him firm, pulling Tony closer to his chest.

‘Uh-uh, kiddo,’ he murmured kindly. ‘I’m sorry, but I’ve got to see, okay? Shush, I’m sorry, buddy.’

To his amazement, his words actually made Tony still, slumping into him, for once, not fighting him every step of the way. He didn’t have much chance to think on it as he finally found where Tony took the hit.

As with most head wounds, it was bleeding quite a bit. The water had washed a lot of it away, allowing Steve to make out a decent-sized slice along Tony’s crown. However, it wasn’t deep and it was also swollen out, not having dented inwards, which would have indicated concussion.

Still though, Steve gave a sympathetic hiss. Tony was going to have one blistering headache. And that was before the whole team got through with him.

‘Steve?’ Tony murmured again, sounding so small and unsure that Steve couldn’t stop himself from gently giving the side of his head another kiss.

‘You’re okay, kiddo,’ he whispered, gently stroking his hair back into place. ‘You’re okay. That was a nasty whack though, huh? Must have dazed you quite a bit, hmm?’ He didn’t carry on in that trail of thought at all, knowing what being dazed and mixing it with water would have led to. Before he could feel like crumbling again, he gave Tony’s back a bracing rub, more for his sake to feel the breath under his fingertips then for Tony. ‘All right, kiddo. We’re going to get you back to the car, clean up that cut and get you back home before you get even more chilled.’

Tony mumbled something indistinguishable, even to Steve’s ears but he was going to take it as agreement anyway.

Gently pulling Tony back around and gathering the engineer up, one arm around his back, cuddling him firmly to Steve’s chest while the other curled underneath his legs, Steve stood, slowly so as not to startle him too much.

It was like Tony finally woke up as he realised he was being carried bridal-style and began to give a struggle actually worth noting.

‘Walk,’ he managed to say, still sounding slurry, but it was pretty obvious what he was wanting.

Shaking his head, feeling a lump well up at the stubborn light which had just flickered not even five minutes ago, Steve paused. He gently set Tony’s legs down, but refused to let go of his waist.

He received a wide-eyed stare, as though Tony couldn’t believe he had gotten his way so easily. Steve didn’t give him much time to celebrate as he leaned down and snatched up his old brown jacket, directing Tony with a firm, ‘Arms out.’

Tony blinked but dazedly did as he was told and watched like it was the most fascinating thing in the world as Steve slipped the jacket over him. The sleeves overhung his hands and Tony shook them as though to make sure they were still there.

Feeling that … _protective_ feeling suddenly overwhelm him, Steve easily scooped the engineer up again.

The look he got was absolutely acidic, followed by several choice words. However, Tony’s eyes widened, as though he had just seen Steve’s face properly for the first time since waking up. Probably was.

Realising what he was seeing, Steve attempted to clumsily wipe his face clean of tears with his shoulder, which was pointless but he did it automatically anyway.

Tony watched him silently, resting easily in his arms, chestnut brown eyes still a little glassy. Then, he slumped into Steve’s hold, head resting in the crook of his neck.

‘Anyone gets a picture of this, you’re explaining it to Pepper,’ he grumbled, but curled tighter into Steve as a shiver overtook him.

Steve didn’t say anything. He simply tightened his hold on Tony and walked back to the car, fingers settled over the side of Tony’s ribs, where he could feel the breath going in … and out … in … and out. Never stopping. Never wavering. If Steve felt it long enough, hopefully he could pretend it never had.

 

***

 

By the time they got to the car, Tony was shivering though valiantly trying to hide it. It was an old Valiant they had come in, obviously an enticement on the engineer’s part to bring Steve out. He still didn’t realise that the prospect of simply spending some time with Tony was enough for the super solider to practically agree to anything.

Steve was grateful for it though because the backseat was expansive and he could settle Tony in the back easily. A search of the trunk though left a frustrating lack of anything for warmth. No blankets, towels or shirt or anything to dry Tony off with.

Thinking fast, he snatched up his wallet he’d left in the centre console. There was an old second-hand shop just up from the empty car park they were in, right at the beach.

Crouching in front of Tony, he didn’t even think as he gripped the other’s hand, rubbing his thumb across the back of it. ‘Can you sit tight for me for a bit?’ he asked softly.

Tony was eerily silent despite his earlier snarking and simply gave a small nod. He looked inexplicably tiny in Steve’s jacket that was much too large on him.

Pushing past the sickening feeling at leaving the engineer alone when he looked like this, knowing how important it was to get Tony warm with his compromised lungs, Steve gave him an encouraging smile and hand a squeeze.

‘Be back in a jiffy,’ he murmured.

Not even the older wording got a rise out of Tony which got Steve moving even faster.

Running to the store, he grabbed the first things which looked the warmest, making sure they were large enough but not caring if they were oversized. Finally finding a towel, he finished off his purchases with a silky golden blanket. He was in and out in under ten minutes.

However, it was long enough to find Tony in the midst of a panic attack, gasping in the back seat like he coughing up the water again.

Cold slammed into Steve and he dropped everything on the gravel as he quickly opened the other side of the car and slipped in beside Tony.

While he had never been the one to talk Tony down from a panic attack, he’d seen Bruce do it three times and Pepper do it several more. As he had observed a long time ago with Tony, he responded well to touch and sound.

Sending up a silent prayer his touch would be familiar enough to the engineer not to send him into even more hysterics, he slipped behind Tony, pulling the smaller man back against his chest so Tony would feel his breath. He made sure to stay away from Tony’s chest. While the arc reactor was long gone, it was still a sensitive area and one which had the tendency to either calm Tony like no tomorrow when touched or send him over the edge. All the while, he kept up a constant litany of words. He was pretty sure they were nonsensical but he kept his tone low and calm, hoping it was soothing somehow.

Tony initially gasped more and looked like he was about to elbow Steve in the ribs. But when Steve raised his voice a bit, realising Tony probably wouldn’t be able to hear him above his own ragged breathing, the engineer paused. He glanced back with chestnut brown eyes so filled with fear that it hurt Steve more than anything which hadn’t touched him.

‘C’mon, buddy,’ he soothed, hoping his voice didn’t sound too tight with the strictness in his throat. ‘The water’s not touchin’ you again, all right? I promise, kiddo.’

Tony continued to wheeze but he didn’t actively fight against Steve. He was going to take that as a win, but the stiffness was still electrifying Tony’s body and the breathing wasn’t under control by any means.

Remembering something he’d even heard JARVIS do often, Steve began to confirm the present. ‘We’re here at Cape May. It’s just me, Steve. You and I went for a drive.’

Tony’s body began to slowly loosen, breath becoming less raspy.

Smiling softly into Tony’s hair, Steve kept slowly rubbing Tony up and down the arm while keeping a comforting hold around his waist. Not too tight to make him feel he was trapped but firm enough for Tony to realise Steve wouldn’t just up and leave him.

‘We’re in your old Valiant, sitting at the beach. You had a bit of a fall, but everything’s okay, hmm? I just bought you some clothes. I got you plaid. Know how much you love plaid.’

That got him a choked snort. It was something Tony always teased him about, his ‘wholesome’ dress sense and often said how he would rather sign Stark Industries over to Justin Hammer if he ever had to wear one of Steve’s shirts.

Continuing on with more enthusiasm, Steve began to rock slightly without even realising he was. ‘The sea water’s probably ruined my wardrobe. You owe me one plaid shirt and jeans.’

Steve could feel Tony’s rib cage and felt that moment when Tony crossed over into the point where the panic had ceased. One big breath left him in a whoosh and it was like all fight vanished. Slumping, Tony tipped his head back, eyes at half-mast as he swallowed, trying to wet his dry throat.

Remembering the Gator Aid in the middle console, Steve managed to stretch his long limb out to grab the bottle with hardly having to shift Tony.

Tony watched his movements with glazed eyes. Steve couldn’t gauge what his expression meant other than exhaustion.

Flicking the lid off, he gently eased it to Tony’s lips, all the while whispering, ‘Here you go, just a couple of swallows, buddy. That’s a boy, you got it.’

Tony had several mouthfuls before pulling back, letting Steve know he was done.

Sitting the drink back on the floor, Steve reached up and began to stroke the damp hair back from Tony’s face. He did it without even thinking and it was only after a couple of minutes did he realise this was something Tony would never allow in a million years from anyone, let alone him.

A part of him, the greedy part which longed for this connection with Tony (a _strong_ almost, _brotherly_ , yes, brotherly connection, Clint, _not parental_ ) wanted to hold onto this moment for a bit longer. The other part of him though, the one the whole team accused of being a raging mother hen, made him realise the biggest priority was getting Tony sorted and as comfortable as possible as soon as could be. The wet clothes probably would be making Tony feel panicky as well, the sensation too real and present.

‘What do you say we get you cleaned up, hmm? Get you a bit warmer and look at what we can do with that cut.’

It said how mentally and physically Tony was completely _done_ when he simply gave a nod. It was extremely hesitant, but it was agreement all the same and Steve was taking it.

‘All right, buddy,’ he soothed, deciding talking through his movements as he did them would be the best way to take it from here. ‘I’m just going to lean you here then come ‘round to the other side. Okay? I’m not going, Tony. Just going to the other side.’

He didn’t really wait for answers but kept up the words, saying them in a soft and soothing manner. Tony was responding to it beautifully, as malleable as you please, letting Steve lean him against the backseat. He tracked Steve’s movements with his eyes as the super solider came around to the other side. There was no panic anymore, but pure and utter exhaustion. He was slumped forward, eyes back at half-mast.

Pepper had mentioned once how much a panic attack took it out of Tony and Steve had seem some glimpses of that as well; Steve couldn’t imagine how it was maximised with what just happened.

Steve couldn’t hold back his sympathetic, ‘Aw, kiddo,’ no matter how much he thought Tony would dislike it. However, Tony simply blinked wide eyes at him as though trying to figure out who he was referring to.

Gently gripping Tony’s wrists, he pulled the engineer to his feet, murmuring a gentle, ‘Watch your head,’ for the roof of the car. He kept a protective hand on the back of Tony’s head, not wanting him to bump it.

Despite his earlier protests of wanting to walk, Tony faltered a little, blinking down at himself.

‘Am I drunk?’ he murmured. It was half an attempt at a joke and Steve was more than appreciative for the effort. He didn’t realise how much he was holding out to hear Tony talk again after the panic attack. To hear the engineer’s voice made that other little piece fall into place and helped Steve’s stomach untwist a little bit more.

‘We can tell that to anyone who walks by,’ Steve said agreeably.

Tony nodded, swaying more at the added movement.

Steve gave a fond sigh. This wasn’t going to work. One touch and he was going to send Tony toppling.

Following on his … _protective_ instinct, he slipped his hands under Tony’s armpits and easily lifted him to perch on the boot of the car.

Now that _did_ garner him a reaction. Tony all but squawked, gaping at Steve like he couldn’t believe the sheer audacity of the super soldier.

Deciding not to acknowledge it, because Steve wouldn’t be able to not tease him just a little if he did, he snatched up his bag of purchases and set them on the roof of the car.

Tony eyed the bag suspiciously, already moving on from the slight of being picked up. ‘Did you really buy me plaid?’

‘Truthfully, I don’t remember the style. I was just looking for warm.’ Steve shrugged and grabbed the thick sweater he first snatched up.

Both he and Tony stared at it.

‘It looks like Steve Urkel threw up on it,’ the engineer finally said.

Steve rolled his eyes. ‘You know I don’t get that reference.’

He reached forward and slipped his jacket off Tony’s shoulders.

This time, it was Tony who rolled his eyes, murmuring, ‘Wendy,’ under his breath, but other than that, didn’t protest. Steve could see why. He was still shuddering while his hands were the worst, shaking and now twitching with the leftover anxiety from the panic attack. Tony was too proud to try to clean himself up then fail miserably at it. Instead, he would let Steve keep on at it like it was his choice and he was allowing Steve to because he felt too lazy, not because he was too shaken.

Steve gave his back a subtle rub as he began to work off the ridiculously expensive dress shirt Tony had on.

‘What’s a reference to the sweater I’d get?’ he asked, slipping the shirt off. He tried not to overly rush to get Tony dry when the shivering increased because he knew it would only make Tony feel more self-conscious.

Tony perked up at the proposed conversation. ‘Don’t know. Have you seen _Sesame Street_?’

‘Um,’ Steve grabbed the towel he bought and wrapped it around Tony’s shoulders and began to dry him off. He was always mindful of his strength, so while trying to warm the engineer up, he was also careful not to be too vigorous with the rubbing. ‘The … puppets?’

‘Bingo,’ Tony tried to snap his fingers at him, but it didn’t work and they fumbled together awkwardly. Glancing away and hunching a bit more into himself, he cleared his throat. ‘You know Bert and Ernie then?’

‘Ah, yes,’ Steve put pretended aggravation in his voice as he playfully tugged the towel over Tony’s eyes. ‘You called me a “Bert” once.’

Tony peeked cheekily out from underneath the towel, twinkling chestnut brown eyes alive with mirth, all embarrassment forgotten. ‘Come on. Even you’ve got to see the similarity. You’re both such a stickler for rules.’

Giving a sideways smile, one he found could only be brought on by Tony, he set about drying Tony’s hair, taking extra care around the area which was hit. ‘So what? You’re an “Ernie” then?’

‘Ernie’s an idiot,’ Tony said easily. ‘Clint’s Ernie.’

The laugh burst out of Steve before he even knew what was happening. How? How in the world could Tony do that? Twenty minutes ago, Steve swore he would never smile again.

‘So what does this have to do with the sweater?’ he asked, chucking the towel to the side and shaking said sweater out. ‘Arms up.’

Rolling his eyes so hard it would have had to make his head ache, Tony looked like he wanted to argue but on second thought, did what he was told, albeit, extremely reluctantly. ‘It looks like the one Bert always wore. Except it’s even gorkier.’

The last part was muffled as Steve slipped the sweater over Tony’s upraised arms and head, but he got it anyway. Chuckling at the analogy because it was actually scarily accurate, he pulled the neck down, causing Tony’s hair to stick up crazier than before, eyes blinking rapidly at getting accustomed to the bright again.

He resisted stroking a loving hand over Tony’s head because he knew the more Tony came to, the more he would actively hate the attention. It was evident in just the way he didn’t want to put his arms up. Steve settled for sending him a lopsided grin.

‘It suits you,’ he said softly.

The sweater was a disaster, no doubt about that, but it was so large on Tony’s frame, overhanging his hands again. Steve couldn’t help but love the look.

Tony made a face at him. ‘Thanks for nothing, Bert.’

Steve laughed again. The talk had finally made Tony’s hands stop shaking so much and the shivers had lessened already. Steve had a feeling it had more to do with being occupied then getting warmer but he still couldn’t stop his relief at knowing Tony was getting drier at least.

Guessing Tony was probably too shaky to change by himself still, he tried to wring out the engineer’s pants as best as he could.

‘You’re going to wrinkle them permanently with your super soldiery strength,’ Tony complained but Steve could see the gratefulness there that Steve didn’t draw attention to the fact he wouldn’t be able to change by himself.

‘They’ll be fine.’ Steve grabbed the towel again and worked on drying the legs and warming Tony up more. It was so Tony to try to complain about something minute so Steve wouldn’t notice how cold he actually was. Goosebumps ran along his hands while he hunched over, arms crossed over his chest, trying to warm himself up without looking like it.

‘You don’t know that,’ Tony griped. ‘I wouldn’t take any advice from you about fashion.’

Steve shrugged agreeably at that, kneeling down, slipping Tony’s dress shoes off, followed by his socks

Tony blinked at him in amazement. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me? My feet are fine!’ He went to retract his feet, but Steve firmly grabbed his right ankle.

‘You’re chilled and wet feet make it impossible to warm up,’ he more told Tony rather than explained. ‘Hold still and let me dry them please.’

While it technically was worded as a request, Steve put enough firmness in the words that he was sure Tony got the undercurrent there.

Tony didn’t hesitate making another face at him, mumbling another few choice words. However, when Steve slowly let go of Tony’s ankle, the engineer didn’t attempt to flee.

Hiding a soft grin, Steve slipped new socks on to Tony’s feet before giving his leg a friendly shake. ‘Almost done,’ he said gently, noting Tony’s expression getting more and more rebellious. ‘Will you just let me give your cut a clean?’

That Steve did make a request. While he would prefer to get it cleaned with antiseptic, it wasn’t dire as it was earlier for him to check how bad the injury was. Wounds were a sensitive thing with Tony. Only several people were privy to being allowed to handle them. Bruce was the top member in that category, followed very closely by Natasha, something no one would have been able to predict in a million years.

If Tony didn’t want him anywhere near it, Steve could respect it. It would hurt, but he would respect it.

He had to choke back a mile-wide smile when Tony actually _nodded_ , only grumbling about super soldiers who would have been more effective as den mothers then fighting in wars.

Grabbing the first aid kit because they was something _all_ Tony’s vehicles were equipped with (Steve had actually seen it written up in a contract by Pepper who had made Tony follow through on the signature he was forced to give then promptly enforced to do), he retrieved the antiseptic cream and a wash pad. It wasn’t really large enough to put a plaster over and Steve didn’t think Tony would appreciate clumps of his hair coming out when it came time to remove the cover.

Tony obligingly tipped his head forward without Steve having to tell him to, strands of damp hair covering his expression.

Leaning over, Steve quickly found the cut. It seemed to have wept out, which was a good sign. Being extra gentle, Steve cleaned away the blood. In that moment, Steve’s hands felt too large, too strong, against Tony seeming so small, head tipped forward, completely vulnerable.

‘Let me know if it hurts too much and I can stop,’ he said, nervousness creeping into him. Sometimes he really didn’t know his strength and the thought of inadvertently hurting Tony … no, he really couldn’t go there without throwing up.

To his shock, Tony clumsily swatted his elbow without even looking up. ‘Cap, you’re being as rough with me as a _kitten_.’ Then, with less harshness, he added, ‘You’re doing fine, all right?’

‘All right,’ Steve echoed, a certain kind of prideful happiness seeping into him at Tony’s words. No, his _trust_. Taking a deep breath and letting it out, he repeated, ‘All right.’

The wound looked better again with all the blood gone and Steve took a closer look to make sure no splinters had implanted where Tony took the hit. Satisfied with what he saw, he gently applied the antiseptic cream before gently stroking Tony’s hair into place. Or, as close as it could be.

‘There you go,’ he murmured kindly. When Tony glanced up, he couldn’t help brushing the hair back from the engineer’s face as well.

Tony shoved at his arm. ‘Get off,’ he grumbled, but there wasn’t much heat there.

Instead, it was like now everything was taken care of, it all came crashing down what just happened and Steve suddenly found it hard to stand.

‘Let’s get you into the car and get the heater on,’ Steve murmured, hoping he didn’t sound as shaky as he felt.

Tony watched him silently for a moment, expression indecipherable before pushing himself off the bonnet. He faltered again but Steve recognised his help wasn’t wanted at the moment. So, while he made sure he was nearby so Tony didn’t plant it, he resisted reaching out and steadying the engineer. Thankfully, the passenger door was right there. Tony must have been feeling bad to not even attempt to take the driver’s side. Instead, he slipped in the passenger side, arms still firmly over his chest, in anger or still cold, Steve couldn’t tell anymore.

Grabbing the wet clothes on the bonnet, Steve stuffed them in the bag and chucked them in the backseat. Only then did he slip around to the driver’s side and get in, turning on the heat straight away.

However, he couldn’t bring himself to do anything more. He felt physically incapable of driving and just sat there with his hands gripping the steering wheel, staring into nothingness.

Tony wasn’t much better beside him, feet on the lip of his seat, curled in on himself, staring at his knees.

They sat in complete silence. It vaguely registered to Steve that he was still soaking wet but he knew his coldness had nothing to do with it. The heat wasn’t doing anything to take it away and he didn’t expect it to.

‘Are you mad at me?’

In all the ways Steve imagined the silence to be broken, this wasn’t it. He had expected Tony to keep a monk-like silence which would only increase if Steve attempted to talk about any of the past hour.

Steve blinked over at Tony, who was currently staring out of the windscreen like he had spotted the most important scientific discovery of the century. He was still cuddled into himself, a shiver now and then wracking his body, making Steve realise he wasn’t actually angry at all, but was, instead, still chilled.

Thinking over Tony’s question, he gave a soft sigh. While he didn’t think it was the right time to attack this, he couldn’t lie to the engineer.

‘I am,’ he said.

Tony nodded conversationally, like Steve had said something about the weather.

‘You usually yell at me more when you’re angry,’ he commented, glancing down at his sweater as though now noticing the ridiculousness of it.

A smile crooked at the corner of Steve’s lips. ‘Maybe angry isn’t the right word,’ he conceded with a tip of his head. ‘Maybe disa—’

‘Oh, hell, don’t say disappointed,’ Tony moaned melodramatically, throwing his head back, wincing for real then. ‘Angry is so much better than …’ here, he waved his hands vaguely in the air, ‘this.’

‘You’d prefer yelling?’ Steve asked with a raised eyebrow.

‘At least I can yell back,’ Tony grumbled. ‘What am I supposed to do when you’re not talking? If you haven’t noticed, silence isn’t really my best defence tactic.’

Steve smiled crookedly at that. ‘That it isn’t.’

Tony poked his tongue out at Steve without making eye contact.

Huffing in amusement, all humour left Steve as he looked at Tony.

When he first met Howard’s son, that was all he could think of him as: Howard’s son. He was a showman like his father. Quick-witted, even more so than Howard and had the same look as his father, alive eyes and stylish. Not only in dress sense, but everything about both of them screamed class.

However, unlike with Howard, there were these layers to Tony which had confused Steve at the beginning but he got it now. He got _Tony_ and now, all he could see was how different Tony was from his father. While Howard could be legitimately self-centred, Tony pretended to be to draw attention away from his kindness. While Tony could certainly give a tongue-lashing like Steve had never seen, Howard not even being able to hold a candle to the bite Tony could give, if you were in Tony’s trust circle, it was all really done in play, no harm meant. Whereas Steve had always felt there was a double meaning to any joke Howard made, even if it seemed like it was in total jest.

More so now, Steve could see how much of Peggy was in Tony. The engineer may have had Howard’s look, but he had Peggy’s fire. Steve hadn’t been able to see the similarity at first, too caught up in what was right before his eyes with how much Tony looked like Howard.

But Tony was more Peggy’s child then Howard’s as far as Steve was concerned. He’d never known Maria so he couldn’t compare but, _god_ , the way Tony would stand up to the world, confident in his genius abilities and when he knew what he was doing was _right_ , bespoke of Peggy’s strength like no other. His fierce protectiveness mimicked Peggy as well not to mention the headstrong independence. He could still hear Peggy yelling at him when he knocked her out of the way of the car, something Tony would do and truthfully, had done, many a time when Steve interfered with something he said he could handle. Hell, it had happened today.

As he watched Tony, in his oversized, multi-coloured sweater, absently tapping out a rhythm in his head on his upraised knees, Steve was overwhelmed again with the affection he had for the kid that was  unwittingly running around with his heart.

Because that was what Steve would always see Tony as. He’d known his father; he’d known his aunty. One night, when Howard had gotten charged and been joking about settling down, he had become serious for a brief moment as he said, ‘You’d be the godfather though, Steve.’

While it was said in drunkenness, it was something which had stuck so strongly with Steve. Though it was the farthest thing from official, as far as Steve concerned, that was what Tony was to him. He felt for Tony enough and knew, without a doubt, what he would give to protect Tony. Even if it wasn’t in writing, in body, heart and soul, Steve was his godfather.

See, Clint. It wasn’t _parental._ It was … _godfatherly_. Totally different thing. _Protective_ , just as he always said.

‘You scared me today,’ he said softly. ‘You know that?’

Tony blinked over at him, shocked into making eye contact. ‘I don’t recall jumping out from behind a rock and shouting “Boo”.’

Ignoring the retort because it was so hard-wired into Tony that he did it without thinking about it anymore, Steve continued, in an equally low voice. ‘Why’d you do it? Why’d you act out like that?’

Tony went silent and Steve closed his eyes in frustration. He really knew Tony wouldn’t answer. Or, if he did, it wouldn’t be a serious answer. It was too deep for Tony, getting too much under his skin, where he could be bruised and cut. While he knew all this, it couldn’t stop it from hurting Steve. He wished by now Tony knew he would never, _ever_ use anything to hurt him.

No matter what his damn father put into his head.

Steve was almost too busy cursing Howard out in his head that he missed the soft confession next to him.

‘It reminded me of Jarvis.’

Steve sat up, blinking over at Tony, worried frown on his face.

Tony was tapping against his knees faster. He was trying to make his expression blank but the hurt was evident in just the curve of his shoulders and the emptiness around his eyes.

 ‘What?’ he whispered, afraid if he spoke too loud, the moment would disappear and Tony would retreat back into his protective shell.

Tony began to draw a random pattern on to the fabric of his pants. ‘When you grabbed me on the walkway. It’s what Jarvis would have done … used to do.’ He stopped tapping, wrapped his arms around himself and turned away from Steve, looking out his window. It had started to sprinkle outside. ‘It’s the anniversary of his … so when you did it …’

He didn’t say anything more after that; he didn’t have to.

Steve swallowed back against the tears threatening at his eyes. He sometimes forgot what a part of Tony’s life the old butler had been. He could imagine there were so many facets to Tony which came from the revered Edwin Jarvis. To be reminded of him by someone else on the same day as his death … well, it must have hurt like hell.

Despite wanting to be able to tell Tony he should have never done something so reckless, he couldn’t be so hypocritical. One time, Clint had made a joke which reminded him of Bucky and Steve had ripped through fifteen punching bags but not before snapping brutally at the archer. It had been a full twelve hours before he found it in himself to confess, knowing Clint deserved the truth. The archer was completely understanding, clapping him on the shoulder and carried on without any grudge whatsoever.

Steve’s team … Steve’s family … were pretty unbelievably fantastic.

‘I get that,’ he whispered. ‘And I’m so sorry, Tony.’

Tony glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes. Steve didn’t look away once, giving a sad smile in return and a little helpless shrug.

Finally, Tony looked away again, going back to tapping.

Steve rubbed a hand across his face, suddenly feeling a little old and hurt … so hurt. No matter how much he wanted to do right by Tony and be some sort of source of comfort (no matter how pathetic that was and knowing Tony was long past needing someone in such a way), he forever seemed to be the one who set Tony off somehow.

Steve started at the soft touch to his knee. Blinking his eyes, he saw Tony tentatively retracting his touch, looking unsure.

‘Wasn’t your fault,’ he said, trying to sound gruff, but just coming off as scared. He shifted in agitation in his seat, what he did whenever he was feeling awkward and worrying whether he was doing the right thing.  

The fond sideways smile came back onto Steve’s face, a bit fuzzy at the edges.

This time, Tony smiled back. It wasn’t cheeky, it wasn’t his press smile or the adoration he had for Pepper and it wasn’t his brother smile he did with Bruce either. There was something inexplicably sweet about it and Steve fell in love with it on the spot.

‘Make you a deal,’ he said, holding up a finger. ‘I won’t be mad anymore—’

‘Or disappointed?’ Tony added with a pointed look, reminding Steve what a shrewd businessman he was.

‘Or disappointed,’ Steve added with a chuckle, ‘if you can make me a promise.’

Tony leaned away warily. ‘What sort of promise?’

‘An easy one,’ Steve assured. ‘Anytime something happens that you can’t take, _no_ reckless behaviour. You can scream, swear, I don’t care, but not one time do you do something that could hurt yourself somehow. Got it?’

He expected some sort of acidic remark or a rebellion which would be the talk of the century. What he didn’t expect was the absolute shock colouring Tony’s expression.

‘Oh. _That’s_ what you’re mad at?’

Steve furrowed an eyebrow. ‘What did you think I was upset about?’

Tony shrugged easily. ‘Jumping into the water,’ he said. ‘I was kind of under the impression you didn’t like the ocean.’

It was the utter easiness and logic Tony said it with that made Steve physically sick he realised. Not once … not _once_ had it entered Tony’s mind Steve was so distraught because of … of …

‘Tony,’ Steve choked out, unable to try to hold back the tears this time or his shuddering breath. ‘Tony … I thought you … you …’

Unable to take it, he slammed his hands into the steering wheel.

‘DAMN IT!’ he screamed. What _the hell_ did Howard used to say? What _the hell_ did he say to his son? His son, _damn it_.

He slammed his hands against the steering wheel again before turning away, hiding his mouth behind his hand, in an attempt to keep him from saying something about Howard he would regret.

‘Cap?’ Tony said, sounding worried.

‘You almost died,’ Steve murmured softly, voice tight. ‘I thought I was going to lose you.’

The _too_ was left off at the end but it was loud enough it may as well have been said.

Steve closed his eyes at the thought. He’d lost so much … so many people. He’d learnt to accept it, accept that the world he had known … the people he loved … were gone.

What he never would be able to accept was if it happened again. If he lost the man who was meant to be his godson … who, as far as he was concerned, _was_ his grandson … he couldn’t even think on it. Let alone live it.

He closed his eyes, feeling the tears he’d been holding back finally slip down his cheeks. His body ached with the hurt and he could feel the coldness closing around him, of the loneliness that seemed to threaten his life so much, threatening to take away the very people who meant the most to him.

To lose Tony. Steve shuddered, a few more tears slipping past his defences.

He felt sorry for putting Tony in this position. Such open upset about his safety bewildered the poor man beyond belief but Steve really couldn’t help it. Everything was just too raw and he couldn’t hold in the hurt anymore.

His eyes opened when he felt a tug at his hands. Taking a deep breath, he wiped away some of the tears before glancing over at Tony.

Tony was on his knees and had shifted closer to him, hand still tugging at his right. With the other, he was indicating to the centre of his chest, where the arc reactor used to be.

‘I … I hit my chest somehow when I fell.’ Tony shifted but his chestnut brown eyes didn’t break contact at all. ‘Can you check it, see if it’s emergency level injury or like … Nurse Red status.’

Warmth zapped through the coldness and Steve’s watery smile welled through more tears.

He pulled Tony flush to his side and wrapped him up in the biggest hug he could give without hurting the smaller man.

He’d seen Tony’s chest when he took the soaked shirt off. There was no injury. It was Tony’s roundabout way of letting him know the genius noticed him dodging touching the area. It was also Tony’s biggest show of trust to let Steve know Tony trusted him with the most physically vulnerable part of him. He was inevitably telling Steve he trusted the super soldier with his life. And for Steve, that was the most precious gift in the world.

It was also so _Tony_. Unable to talk about himself but prepared to give anything to make Steve happy again.

Tony grumbled about the show of affection, which brought a less watery smile to Steve. However, despite his complaints, he slumped into Steve’s side, not stiff whatsoever.

After a moment of silence, Tony mumbled softly.

‘Sorry for making you cry.’

Steve closed his eyes as he smiled into Tony’s hair. Despite Tony needling him to no end, Steve knew how much Tony never meant to hurt. The apology was such strong proof of that and Steve was touched by the simplicity and sincerity of the apology. It was unbelievably sweet, something Tony would hate if he realised it.

‘That’s okay, buddy,’ he murmured, rubbing a hand up and down Tony’s arm and unwittingly used Tony’s words back. ‘It wasn’t your fault.’

A relieved sigh escaped the smaller man but Steve didn’t comment on it, too busy enjoying the closeness he never got with Tony.

Eventually, Tony began to squirm and Steve reluctantly let go.

Sliding back over to his side, Tony sent him a grin, trying to be teasing but there was a touch of softness in it as well. ‘You oldies are such sentimental softies.’

Steve rolled his eyes, turning to start the car. ‘I wouldn’t be if you young’uns didn’t give me such a heart attack all the time.’

Tony made a ‘Fair enough’ face before he kicked his feet up on the dashboard. ‘So …’ he began.

‘Not a chance. Natasha is being told and going to double-check your head. And get your feet off the dashboard.’

‘Damn it,’ Tony muttered, but didn’t make any attempt to change his position. ‘You all gang up on me.’

‘Only chance we have of actually winning.’ Steve reached forward and pulled Tony’s legs down before turning out of the car park.

The look he received for the move was filthy and within two minutes, Tony’s feet were right back on the dashboard.

Steve sent him a half-hearted glare. ‘How old are you?’

‘Memory troubling you again?’

Recognising a losing battle when he saw one, Steve decided a subject change was in his best interest. ‘Warm enough?’

‘Disgustingly so.’ Tony ran his fingers up and down his sleeves. ‘This sweater is dangerously comfy. And speaking of which,’ Tony twisted back and pulled Steve’s jacket from the backseat, ‘what have you stuffed this with? Memory foam mattress? If I wore this to any meeting, I could sleep through it without a hitch.’

‘So you like my clothes now?’ Steve smirked.

Tony shuddered in exaggeration. ‘Nope, you still dress like a ninety-year-old man. But ninety-year-old men dress comfy so I can appreciate that.’

With that, Tony actually slipped the jacket on, clumsily doing up the zipper.

With that one move, Tony didn’t realise how much he made Steve’s day. Hiding his chuffed smile, he tapped on the tape player.

‘Like to pick a song?’

Tony gave him a suspicious, sideways look. ‘You hate it when I pick music.’

‘You’re about to face the wrath of Natasha. I think you deserve some happiness before that happens.’

Tony nodded agreeably and snatched up a tape. Before he put it in though, he glanced at Steve, the closest thing to shyness coming into his face.

‘You’re … you’re really not going to yell?’

Steve gave his fond sideways smile. ‘No yelling, buddy. Promise.’

Tony fiddled with the tape. ‘So do I,’ he said after a moment. ‘Promise, I mean. On what you said. Earlier.’

The final piece fell into place for Steve and his stomach finally completely untwisted, making the nausea leave. He leaned over and playfully nicked Tony under the chin, knowing how much Tony hated the move.

‘Jerk!’ Tony shoved him off, vigorously rubbing under his chin as though he could erase the movement.

Steve chuckled, taking a deep breath and letting it out, taking note of how much he was absolutely loving this moment. Not missing the past, but appreciating just how special this was, right here, right now.

‘It’s not funny,’ Tony grumbled, but Steve saw how the corner of his eyes crinkled.

Steve settled back in his chair, feeling thoroughly content.

It didn’t take long for Led Zepplin to start blaring through the speakers but Steve didn’t care. If it made Tony happy, it was all worth it.

The lack of tapping or singing along made him glance over after five minutes.

What he saw made him melt just that little bit more.

Still managing to have his feet propped up on the dashboard, Tony was slumped so low that he was almost slipping off of his seat and into the foot compartment area. His neck was twisted painfully to the side but that didn’t stop him from breathing deeply in his sleep, arms spread out to his sides, brown jacket puffing out around him.

Only Tony could think that was a comfortable enough position to sleep in. And only Tony would be able to drift blissfully off while ‘The Immigrant Song’ was screaming through the speakers.

Only Tony and Steve wouldn’t trade him for the world.

Steve was tempted to turn the music down some or even pull off the road to try to rearrange Tony into a more comfortable position. However, again, knowing Tony, the engineer would perk awake from either thing so Steve left it as it was. Tony looked sweetly content, snuffling softly in his sleep, looking impossibly cosy in his oversized clothing.

Thinking of which.

Twisting around, not taking his eyes off the road, Steve snatched up the golden blanket he’d bought back at the second-hand shop. With one hand, he managed to drape it over the smaller man’s sleeping frame with no reaction whatsoever.

Brushing a gentle hand over Tony’s chocolaty brown hair, still slightly damp, Steve smiled softly as Tony stretched in his sleep before slumping lower still.

‘Sleep well, kiddo,’ he whispered, smoothing Tony’s hair down, before reluctantly removing his hand to go back on the steering wheel.

The soft pattering of rain outside created a soothing atmosphere while the heating gave the car a lovely toasty feel. The old vinyl smell of the car was soothingly familiar to Steve. The rumble of it hummed through his body, becoming more audible when the tape came to an end.

Tony shifted, but other than that, didn’t wake up when his music stopped.

Grinning at that, Steve settled in to listen to the sounds of home around him, particularly the soft, raspy breath that was distinctly his godson.

**Author's Note:**

> I am making a pledge to update at least four times, not counting this time, this month! So, you can all quote me on that lol.
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed the fluff. I think Steve and Tony needed a sweet moment and I couldn't resist writing it.
> 
> Peace and Love, guys xx. Hope everyone had a safe and happy Easter :).


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